My Husband Is A “Butt Man”

Ahem…I know. This isn’t something a Christian woman should think let alone write about for all the world to see.

Remember when we were little kids and boys (or girls) had cooties and there was no way the opposite sex could be attractive? Boy, things change! By the time I hit middle school I had a journal with my best friend stating each and every crush I had. In alphabetical order, and no secrets! There were crushes left over from elementary school, crushes from P.E. that you just happened to bump into during flag football, crushes from drama, home ec, and don’t forget the teacher crushes! As I examined my list I jotted down in the pages of our super secret notebook, I came to the conclusion that I had a major correlation from crush to crush. One daunting conclusion that I had overlooked in previous years because puberty hadn’t hit me like a ton of bricks like it had the past Summer.

Every single guy on my list was short. (dun dun duuuuun!) 😦

And I mean short. I’m talking about me looking like Bullwinkle next to Rocky. Burt next to Ernie. Tom next to Jerry. The height differences of epic proportions. The sad reality that all of my crushes would be craning their necks to look up at me, to (gulp!) kiss me was more than I could handle. I hated thinking I was more mommy size for them than the ideal girlfriend…eesh! I could picture in my head what every dance would look like from Fall until Spring, and maybe even through 10th grade if they hadn’t hit their growth spurts yet.

Something like this

Those thoughts were of course my 7th grade, 12 year old superficial self. It wasn’t about finding a boyfriend based on personality at all, it was all about the height. And so I went on to love dancing with my friends because I had a lot of them, but always wishing to find that one special guy. The one that I could look for when a slow song started (KC & Jojo anyone?), place my hand in his as he leads me to the dance floor, feel the rush of excitement as I see my friends giving me the raised eyebrow/thumbs up, and look into his gorgeous eyes because they were actually in front of me and not at my chest area. This person was waiting for me, I knew he was. I just didn’t know he happened to be in the room already!

I thank God for many things, but meeting my husband in high school is one of them. The first Summer getting to know each other was so much fun and such a relief. Not only was he ok with my tallness, but that was what he first noticed (and liked!) about me. Something I was so self-conscious of before, became a thing of the past and something I didn’t even think about. On one of our random dates I was thinking to myself about how much I loved this person and what would I do without him and blah blah lovey dovey stuff, and I asked him a simple question, “Honey, what do you like best about me?”

Being the thoughtful type that he is, and only my boyfriend at the time I couldn’t expect much from his answer. He didn’t really  know me yet, did he? I imagined him saying something about how nice I am or the way I laugh. He could probably mention how I make a mean chicken casserole or wear my hair really pretty. The endless possibilities ran through my mind as I let him think over his answer. I have to give him credit because he could have said a lot of things, and he could have lied through his teeth, but what he chose to say was,

“You have a really nice butt.”

My eyes got as big as saucers, my head turned to him very quickly, my face got red as a tomato. But all that came out was laughter. And that’s when I learned that all of my worrying was for nothing, it didn’t matter if I was the size of big foot or a Redwood tree. I had a butt man wrapped around my finger, what more could I have asked for? Well I guess you could say religious compatibility, similar interests in music or movies, a knack for the arts or sciences? Nah, this guy is a butt man. A height ignoring butt man. Can you hear the Hallelujah chorus? 😮

Did you have a superficial embarrassment that you learned didn’t matter as you got older? Can I get a hola back from all the tall girls out there? 🙂